What is negotiation?
Any time you want something that requires the cooperation of another person, it’s an opening for negotiation.
Most people immediately think about salaries and contracts. It’s also ordering at the coffee shop, figuring out where to meet your friend, and getting your partner to pick up their socks.
On negotiation and conflict…
Negotiation is not inherently full of conflict. It’s two people (or sides, or organizations) working together toward a mutually acceptable outcome.
Sometimes conflict is good! Once you’ve aired a problem, you can work through it together. If you’re the one raising the issue, do it with an eye toward resolution. If they’re raising the issue, appreciate that they’re giving you the opportunity to resolve it.
Dealing with emotions in negotiation
Negotiation is stressful. Your heart may pound, your armpits may lather, you may find yourself wishing to sink into a hole. If that’s your reaction, don’t (figuratively) sweat it. It is a completely normal part of the process that you should expect.
The person you’re negotiating with is also stressed. Their face may turn red, they may raise their voice, they may stare unblinkingly. None of that is your problem.
Both of you are likely to feel attacked or disrespected at some point. Again, completely normal.
The solution to all these issues is to focus on the shared problem you are trying to solve. Try not to read too much into tone and facial expressions. If the other person is directing their distress at you, if necessary reassure them that you respect and value them, and then redirect them back to the problem at hand.