Ineffective way to raise an issue: “You are so loud and it’s driving me crazy! How am I supposed to get anything done?”

Effective way to raise an issue: Observation + Impact + Request

• Observation: Something factual that the other person would agree with, establishing a shared understanding of the situation.
• Impact: How this affects you in a way the other person would care about. 
• Request: A proposed solution or an invitation to problem-solve together.

For a coworker: “I’ve noticed your music has gotten louder over the past few days, and I’m having trouble concentrating on my work. Would you be willing to wear headphones?”

For a kid: “When you yell while I’m trying to work, I get distracted and it takes me longer to finish my work. What can we do about this?” 

Note for caregivers: I highly recommend mutual problem-solving with kids! They often have unexpected explanations and creative solutions. In this case, your kid might say, “I HAVE to yell when I play video games,” and the solution could be a different activity while you’re working. Or “I only yell because you’re so loud on your work calls,” in which case the solution could be for you to relocate temporarily when you’re on a call.